Colorquiz

so www.colorquiz.com is always a mind screw, if you go and do what it says, it pretty much figures your ass out fast.


here were my results.



Your Existing Situation
Active, but feels that insufficient progress or reward is being made for the effort exerted.

Your Stress Sources
Unfulfilled expectations have led to uncertainly and an apprehensive watchfulness. Badly needs to feel secure and protected against further disappointment, being passed over, or losing standing and prestige. Doubtful that things will be any better in the future, but inclined nevertheless to make exaggerated demands or reject compromise.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Believes that he is not receiving his share--that he is neither properly understood nor adequately appreciated. Feels that he is being compelled to conform, and close relationships leave him without any sense of emotional involvement.
Feels that things stand in his way, that circumstances are forcing him to compromise and forgo some pleasures for the time being.

Your Desired Objective
Seeks luxury, sensuous comfort, and the indulgence of a taste for the voluptuous.

Your Actual Problem
Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety, and he is distressed by the lack of any close and understanding relationship or adequate appreciation. He attempts to escape from this into a stable and secure environment in which he can relax and feel more contented.

Your Actual Problem #2
The fear that he might be prevented from achieving the things he wants increases his need for security and freedom from conflict. Is therefore seeking stability and an environment in which he can relax.

Last day in Lexington

Last day in lexington and it is raining.

i look forward to being back in the city a few months from now,
but i really think i could use the break. im going to miss my friends.
i wish there was more to say.


In time you will forgive your son,
Just like I have forgiven mine,
Though he is not yet born, for being stubborn,
And for not knowing how to ask for help.

In my private room he is the shoes in the corner
My only child, a product of motion
And of countless lost brothers.

I don’t wish for the miscarriages,
But they are coming to take my sons away.
All I ask is that they arrive quietly
And late in the night so that my wife
Will be sleeping and I will still
Be awake, tracing the curve of her back
With a capped pen

“I am writing all this down,”
I will whisper into her ear,
As another son walks barefoot out the kitchen door
And into the night.
“I am writing all this down,
i promise nothing is lost.”

These days.

So back for day two, and its a pretty good sign that i havent quit already.

i still dont have any finals due until tomorrow. so for better or worse i have been
killing time and trying to read THe Brothers Karamazov, in an attempt to learn something
i didnt know before. i cant say with certainty why i think it will help with anything at all.

but i have promised myself i wont write new poems or anything of that sort until i am done with the book, and it seems like a promise worth keeping to yourself.

that is, it seems worth it if you are me and into things like that.


so here is something i found in the brothers that i was totally fond of.


"But to fall in love does not mean to love. One can fall in love and still hate. Remember that! I say it now while there is still joy in it."

and perhaps an old somewhat unfinished poem.


Leah confused

I have lived through the days
where palms answer questions
& sex sex pulled me into more beds
then I could make

If i was a question then the answer
was it felt right every time it happened
I was more then this body
this shuffled deck of my thoughts

But now my eyes are trained on
themselves in that mirror my right
hand touches my left cheek

there are names slipping out
of my pockets
there are histories aflame
in the sink

Back back back again

So i have been gone for a long time from this sort of online writing game.

and for some reason today i started to think that i wanted to get back into the swing of things


having spent the last two highschool years documenting myself in such a way, it seemed only fitting to me that i have a space now for the last two years of college to be carried about in the same way.

i am also setting up a daily cartoon blog that should be up and running sometime within this week, which i am very very excited about.

so i will keep you guys posted on here when it finally gets up.

-----
Late at night

I want only for my kids to know my name.
Or for there to be none and to live in a place
Without want or need for naming.

I tell you I hope for the first more than the second;
But only to get the strap off your shoulder.
Only to pull you down into my bed

Most days I sit and ask questions to the appliances.
Your coffee maker is happy again
The door knob wants nothing more than for
me to leave

I know his quiet vigil well,
waiting there for hands to find him.
As the tv sits in the other room talking to himself,
its all politics mostly,
but we sometimes see him kiss.